Featured Articles

Adventures in Post-Divorce Dating

By Heather Setrakian, MA

As part of an article that I’m writing for eHarmony Parenting, I started to research dating for divorced parents. Interestingly, while there have been several studies on remarriage and step-parenting and the general effects of divorce on family- very few exist for dating while divorced.

“Where’s Your Common Sense?” Inside the Teen Brain

By Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.

Why can’t she think before she acts? Why does he get so emotional so easily? How much freedom do I give her to decide how she spends her time? How do I give him the skills he needs for meaningful relationships?

Do questions like these ever run through your mind? If so, you might be interested in hearing about some cutting-edge science on the adolescent brain that helps shed some light on these questions.

What Kids Need Most

By Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT

In a couple of weeks I’m participating in a panel discussion at a local high school. There, in front of a very large crowd, I will join four other experts discussing the dangers, the patterns (and the strategies to combat) teenage drug use. The panel discussion is titled “Drug Awareness and Prevention Seminar,” and the PTA is marketing it through a number of channels. Hundreds of anxious parents can be expected.


Every Day is Mother’s Day

By Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT

Undoubtedly, many of us heard this exact question this past Mothers’ Day: “It’s no fair Mommy gets a day; why don’t we get a kids’ day?” And undoubtedly, many of us came back with this exact reply: “Every day is kids’ day!”

I remember having that same interchange with my parents when I was a kid. Seems almost universal and timeless—kids don’t think mothers and fathers should get their own day, and mothers and fathers think kids should be more grateful that every day is all about the kids.

mothers dayWell, both are wrong. I believe every day is Mothers’ Day. And every day is kids’ day. This is because every day belongs to us, and it is up to each of us to spend it as we see fit. Whenever we exclaim that “every day is kids’ day,” we are explaining our own frustration with parenting—it seems that we have to put our own lives on hold in order to live only for our kids’ benefit. It makes perfect sense, therefore, to have one day a year where the kids take a turn living for Mom or Dad. We deserve it for all the sacrifices we make the other 364 days a year, right?

Whenever I start to feel that way, I have to ask myself some serious questions. Is that what I’m doing—sacrificing my life for the sake of my kids? Is that why I’m doing this sacrificing—to have my kids finally make me feel appreciated and respected?

The difficult truth to face is that all too often I love my kids for my own benefit, hoping that I’m doing what is best for them by neglecting myself, and hoping that they will respect me more than I respect myself. After all, when Fathers’ Day comes up and they give me “permission” to go and play golf, then I won’t feel as selfish as I normally do when I take the links. Is that how it works for you, that you cherish your gender’s day so that at last you can get permission to take care of yourself and feel justified in doing so?

Every day is Mothers’ Day because every day belongs to you. And your number one responsibility is to focus on yourself and take care of yourself in order to be the best mom you can be. It is your job to pamper yourself and reward yourself and most importantly, respect yourself. That is not in your kids’ job description. It is their job to respect themselves, not feel goaded into appreciating you one day of the year and then take all they can from you the rest of the time.

So here’s an idea: now that Mothers’ Day has passed, do something for yourself without asking anyone else’s permission. Do something that you love (exercise, massage, cup of coffee, nap, whatever) that makes you feel strong and confident, and tell no one else about it except God. You’ll be amazed at how capable and attentive you’ll be when you return to your family.

And they’ll be amazed to see you calmer and more connected. That’s the path to becoming ScreamFree.

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