eHarmony Parenting - Ask Hal - Daughter Late for Everything!

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Adventures in Post-Divorce Dating

As part of an article that I’m writing for eHarmony Parenting, I started to research dating for divorced parents. Interestingly, while there have been several studies on remarriage and step-parenting and the general effects of divorce on family- very few exist for dating while divorced.

“Where’s Your Common Sense?” Inside the Teen Brain

By Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.

Why can’t she think before she acts? Why does he get so emotional so easily? How much freedom do I give her to decide how she spends her time? How do I give him the skills he needs for meaningful relationships?

Do questions like these ever run through your mind? If so, you might be interested in hearing about some cutting-edge science on the adolescent brain that helps shed some light on these questions.

What Kids Need Most

By Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT

In a couple of weeks I’m participating in a panel discussion at a local high school. There, in front of a very large crowd, I will join four other experts discussing the dangers, the patterns (and the strategies to combat) teenage drug use. The panel discussion is titled “Drug Awareness and Prevention Seminar,” and the PTA is marketing it through a number of channels. Hundreds of anxious parents can be expected.

Ask Hal - Daughter Late for Everything!

By Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT

Dear Hal,

My 12 year old daughter can’t seem to get anywhere on time. I just want to schedule her day for her but then I feel exhausted looking after her every hour of the day. What should I do?

Sounds like you’ve been doing some good thinking about this, because you realize you cannot run her life without exhausting yours. So ask yourself a question—how did you learn to be punctual? Most likely it came through experience, the negative consequences of being late and the positive results of organized living. So what is getting in the way of your daughter learning those same experiential lessons?

My daughter’s always late! Most likely, it’s your own anxious need to make her punctual. This has undoubtedly become a battle between the two of you, which means it’s not really about being late. This battle is about whose life belongs to whom. Your daughter is exercising a form of power over her own life (stalling) that is drastically affecting your life. Since you both have to be somewhere at a certain time, her stalling creates problems for everyone involved. This is an immature power struggle, not a personality defect.

The first step is learning to calm your anxiety about her choices (letting her learn of the negative consequences of being late, be it missed school or delayed fun times). The second is to concentrate more on your own schedule than hers. This doesn’t mean ignoring her needs, but it does mean refusing to compromise yourself in order to accommodate for her tardiness.